Solstice message for women
I get up in the morning and wash my face with the gel I got from the skincare lady. I stare at my face and see new wrinkles! My left eye lid is drooping--WHAT? My trip to eye doctor results in some kind of drops that may or may not work--"You've been defying gravity for a long time," the doc says. "If you need more come back."
I scan the internet for new products to apply to my skin. A list of the five best vitamin C serum comes up. I order the first one on the list thinking it must be the best...I stare into my bathroom cabinet where bottles and small jars fill the shelves. Retin-A, vitamin C serums, moisturizers with hyaluronic acid abound. But when I look it up I find that hyaluronic acid is actually not good for dry skin! My skin is ULTRA dry! And when I peruse my creams and serums further I realize that hyaluronic acid is in nearly everything ! I wondered why the moisture surge cream I got from Clinique seemed to dry out my skin, or the Neutrogena wrinkle cream I just bought aged me instead of helping. When my new C serum arrives I send it back. I am now down to a moisturizer that I got from my esthetician and aloe vera cream. The moisturizer is made by company called Cleora and it actually works better under my eyes than the expensive eye cream I ordered and have since thrown away. I am also using a tinted moisturizer with spf that has been tested on animals--I am horrified by my hypocrisy.
Giving you info on which products to buy was not my purpose here. I am a hypocrite when discussing these things but there is a large part of my soul that wants to be free of what society tells us--the idea that we have to look younger than we are. We live in a misogynistic society, our worth gone as soon as our hair turns gray. We are invisible, any idea of being wise women lost in a culture that reveres youth. My own struggle with this is why I'm writing. I do not want to worry about my wrinkles or examine my face for new ones. Obviously I want to look as good as I can, but I don't want to find myself in some doctor's office having some painful procedure done. I want to feel good inside myself so that a new wrinkle doesn't bother me. Where did this self-doubt come from? Are we all doomed to buying into the billion dollar anti-aging industry? Will I succeed in embracing this new idea of self-worth? I really hope so.
As an author I have hesitated to reveal my age--afraid that because I am 'old' my book sales will plummet. And yet what I write is deeper and has more meaning because I have learned things, gone through therapy, been to spiritual retreats, studied with teachers (gurus) and lived through times that younger women know nothing about. I was a hippy, (still am) a protester, a dope smoker, an artist. I trusted the universe and running out of gas on some back road didn't faze me. I had no cell phone when I drove at sixteen from Michigan to Pennsylvania. The world has changed, I get it. But what has happened to the wise woman? The crone? The goddess with three faces--youth, mother and wise woman? We need to take back our power (and reverse our self-doubt) ...stop buying into this needing to stay young crap. I want to age gracefully--do yoga to be supple and calm. To not be stressed in a society that is all about stress. To step away from the mainstream and make my own decisions about my life. To step out in all my beauty as an older women.
Today is the Solstice--give libations to the return of the light! Ask the universe for help in becoming the woman you want to be and send your wishes out into the universe on this auspicious day! Have a wonderful light-filled Yule and embrace the coming NEW year!
And thanks for reading.